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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.