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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.