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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...