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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!