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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?