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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.