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I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.