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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!