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The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Itβs not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.