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They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Where is the button to restart summer?
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.