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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*