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You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
No one has ever been in an empty room.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.