Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.