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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
i like boobs
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.