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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
never tell a lie...unless it is true