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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.