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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?