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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.