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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."