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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.