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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?