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Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.