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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
My mind has a mind of its own.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.