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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.