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At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.
Do bees even have knees?
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.