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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Remember when the world ended last year?
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.