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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.