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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you