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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.