Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.