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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.