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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
insert coin to view my status
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!