Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.