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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Smooth move.........ExLax
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
It`s no fun if you have permission.