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SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .