Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)