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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.