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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
I drink to make other people interesting
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.