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I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….