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Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.