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My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.