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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted