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My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.