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Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99