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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.