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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.