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People will do odd things to get even.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.