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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.