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I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.