Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media