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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.