Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
My pants are 75% off.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?