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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches