Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, Iām part of the other 2%