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Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."