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Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.