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What number SPF blocks people?
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”