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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Forgotten pocket money is the best!