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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!