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Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.