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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!