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This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner