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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.