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Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I have nothing!
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?