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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.