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My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.