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The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.