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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.