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Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"