Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".