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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.