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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Walmart needs observation decks.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.