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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
u cant spell awesome without me
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.