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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards