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Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.